I have wanted to write a post for weeks now, but every time I sat to write, nothing seemed post-worthy, and I was interrupted before I even started. Truthfully, living in a 550-sq-foot house with three littles was taking its toll on me and claustrophobia was setting in, so writing fun stories about life was not quite reality. But this week has been different.
Last Saturday night, I crashed on the couch refusing to do any housework or dishes because I was just over it. I was so tired of messes, so tired of whining children, so tired of dirty laundry. I was one big complaining, selfish mess, knowing my family needed me but feeling totally unwilling to pick up one more dirty sock, wipe one more messy face, or cook one more meal for a child to criticize.
I was done. D.O.N.E. But knowing being done was realistically not an option, I asked Daniel if I could leave the house for just an hour or so to regain some mental composure before starting a new week. I ended up running out for ice cream, bringing some home for Daniel too, and attempting to erase my despair with frozen chocolate and peanut butter goodness. Surely that would help.
It didn't. Sunday morning I woke up feeling only slightly better. I had managed a half-decent night's rest thankfully but still felt so weary. Weary from half-decent sleep, weary from messes, weary from being mom. As my family was loading up in the van for church, I sat in the house for a few moments asking the Lord for just enough patience and kindness to make it until nap time without yelling at anyone. (Yes, this mamma gets angry and yells sometimes, resulting in tangible opportunities to teach little ones about sin and forgiveness and grace.)
Then we went to church. I knew that Dr. Jim Lo would be speaking that morning, so I was prepared to hear a powerful message from the Lord. But I was not prepared for the Holy Spirit to speak pointedly and specifically to my mamma heart. As Dr. Lo unpacked the various “c”s of Christ such as the cradle and the cross, my heart was struck as he discussed the “cloth” of Christ--the cloth Christ humbly picked up to wash His disciples' feet.
Do you know how many “cloths” a mamma picks up in a day? I can't tell you, because I've never stopped to count. There are wash cloths for messy faces, dish cloths, burp cloths, wet wipes, towels, sheets, and various other quickly-grabbed cloth items used for spills, messes, and disasters. But never have I associated this work with anything Christ would have done. Until Sunday. As I heard the message, the Lord spoke clearly to my heart, “You pick up a cloth every day. But how are you using it? Are you using it in loving service to the ones I've entrusted to you? Or are you grumbling and complaining about having to clean yet another dirty face, disregarding this great opportunity to show My character in serving the little ones before you?” Then He also spoke, “Remember, if you come to Me I offer rest. Stop striving on your own; let My Spirit give you strength and fill you with love as you pick up your cloths each day.”
Sometimes you hear a message and reflect on it awhile before gleaning a life application. Not last Sunday. I left church with a repentant and resolved heart. I had been trying for so long to work a little harder at this mom thing, do better at being joyful, play with my kids more, get my laundry done just a little faster. All in my own strength. I wish I were quicker to remember that true rest and strength can only be found in the Lord, but I'm so glad for second (and third, and 17th) opportunities to re-learn :-)
This week of being mom has been my favorite in a long time. The cloths I've encountered remind me to rely on the Lord's strength in caring for my little ones. Wiping faces reminds me of Christ's love. Changing diapers reminds me of Christ's humility. Cleaning up spilled milk reminds me of Christ's kindness.
Of course I still dislike laundry and sigh about spilled milk. But I'm so thankful for a real, living God who speaks personally and specifically into our lives and offers rest and strength in the journey of life. And I'm thankful for the simple yet profound example of Christ's serving others with an ordinary cloth.
