Why now? And how?

For the past few weeks (ok, really since we found out we were expecting again back in October), I have been pondering these two questions: Why has God placed such a tremendous burden on our hearts to adopt right now? Why did He not instead give us peace about waiting a few years? And how in the world are we, as a young family with now two little ones already under our responsibility, supposed to dedicate time and energy to raising funds, completing paper work, and travelling to bring our third little one into the family while changing diapers, shaping little wills, and dealing with pregnancy, nursing, and newborn sleep deprivation?

When I started this blog, I really thought this would be an exciting way to keep you all updated on how God was providing in amazing ways to bring our little one home quickly. What I didn't expect was to instead be sharing with you each week how the Lord is shaping our hearts and causing us to surrender our wills, plans, and timing again and AGAIN to His perfect plans, perfect will, and perfect timing. I knew this adoption journey would require trust and surrender and obedience, but I didn't realize how much of the journey would be about growing deeper in these areas and not about adoption at all.

One of the first verses I learned as a child was Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take." Entering into our adoption journey, I have been so thankful for scriptures I learned as a young child as well as scriptures given to me by others to encourage us along the way. Proverbs 3:5-6 are packed with truth: words I grasped even as a little one but which speak to the very depth of my heart now. This journey really has been all about the Lord teaching me to trust Him with all my heart--not just once at the beginning of a journey, but along the entire path. That my understanding is not His, and that He WILL show me which path to take as I continue to seek Him.

Along with learning how to trust the Lord, I have also been challenged with this verse from Psalm 37:7, " Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." Being still has never been easy for me--as a young child I was always on the go, doing or creating something, and as a student I always threw myself completely into the task at hand. I'm an achiever--I love to have a goal, a plan, and put all my energy into making it succeed. The problem is I forget about being still in the Lord's presence. When I do focus on being still in His presence, I begin to see His will and His plans unfold, but I forgot to CONTINUE being still. Instead I latch onto the initial limited vision He gives of His will and run with it, depending on my own understanding. The Lord is teaching me through this adoption journey that trusting Him requires continually being still before Him. It is not a journey of doing and achieving; it is a journey of trusting, seeking, and waiting.

And so to answer the questions why now and how? Why adopt now--because the Lord loves His little ones in crisis now and desires to set them in families now, and because I need to learn to trust the Lord now and be still in His presence now. The months or years it takes for us to complete our first adoption are irrelevant--I must learn to seek the Lord and be still in His presence. And for the how--I don't know HOW the Lord will act, but I do know as we remain still in His presence, He WILL act. The Lord has recently given me these words from Exodus 14: 13-14, "But Moses said to the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.'" What an awesome God we serve who requires nothing more of us than to stand still in His presence and watch Him fight! He will fight to bring one of His dear little ones into our home in His perfect timing, according to His plans.

Take some time today to be still in His presence and wait patiently for Him to act!