Most of our blog posts recently have pretty much been facts and tangible prayer needs and praise updates. Tonight I want to share a more personal, less tangible way you can be praying specifically for our family.
From the beginning of our adoption journey, we have experienced a much greater awareness of spiritual warfare than ever before. The Lord clearly called us to adopt in July 2012; shortly after, the ceiling collapsed on our rental house, the shed at the rental property blew over the fence to the neighbor's property, and the pipes froze at the rental and had to be replaced. We know now that the Lord planned for the sale price of that house to fund a large portion of the adoption, so it's very easy to see why Satan was targeting that home. Even just a month prior to its sale, the central air unit was stolen, causing us additional unplanned financial loss for “no reason.” One of our first hurdles in trusting the Lord in adopting was in trusting His financial provision, and we have seen His exceeding, abundant provision playing out in ways that we definitely didn't imagine.
My greatest personal spiritual battle took place when we found out we were expecting Zoe in October 2012, the month that our home study should have been finished. Welcome, morning sickness. Her pregnancy took me through a valley of depression due to physical exhaustion (pregnancy hormones and a 20-month-old) during which Satan attacked my emotions and my thoughts, causing me to doubt God's call to adoption and doubt whether I was even cut out to be a mother at all when I could hardly make it to the end of the day without my son (not yet 2) watching way too much TV (screen time before age 2=mamma fail, I believed). But THE LORD is so much more powerful than Satan! Through a couple months of desperately seeking Him through His Word and through the encouragement of other believers, He brought me to a place where I realized what it meant to rest in Him and wait on Him. He taught me to trust who He IS, not just what He does. At that point in our adoption journey, I desperately wanted to be fundraising like crazy, seeing our home study finished, and working on our family profile, but instead I was crashed on the couch. The Lord really freed me with this truth we discussed in mom's group at church: my children don't need to see a super mamma—they need to see a mamma who needs a super God. Yes, I was crashed on the couch. I was NOT a super mamma. But God was--and IS--a super God, and He taught this exhausted mamma how to rest in His presence and let Him be her strength.
This brings me to our current, deepest family prayer need—spiritual victory, yet again, for me as mamma to my kids. The past few weeks I have wrestled with great anxiety and discouragement. Satan has been attacking my thoughts regarding myself as a mom and as an individual, and I have been believing His lies despite knowing the truth about who God says I am and the truth of who God is. I've been struggling with losing the physical presence of a dear friend moving across the globe, struggling with having family spread all over the country, struggling with unplannable details of our adoption travel, struggling with consistent discipline with my children, and struggling with patience with my toddler. I have been feeling like a hopeless failure as a mom; weak, yet too proud to admit my weakness. I have forgotten that my kids don't need a super mamma but need to see a mamma who needs a super God.
And yet, I serve a super God. In fact, while we're not sharing his name publicly until after his birth, our son's first name is going to mean “Who is like our God?” as a reminder of the journey the Lord has taken us on spiritually through his adoption. I may be a struggling mamma, even failing in the world's eyes, but my God is so strong. He is strong enough to replace my untrue thoughts with His Truth. He is strong enough to take this weak mamma and strengthen her for even daily toddler battles :-)
As our family comes to mind in the next few weeks leading up to our adoption, please pray that I will know deep in my heart that in my weakness, He is strong—He is God. Amen!!!
No comments :
Post a Comment