All He Has Done

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

This morning I glanced at these verses for the first time in a couple months. These words have become seared in my mind and heart this past year, as I clung to them throughout the days leading to Micah's adoption and purposed daily not to worry but to pray. But today, I was struck by the words "and thank him for all he has done." Recently I've not been doing much thanksgiving. Little Zoe was not feeling well again yesterday, likely from her new outburst of teeth, and I've been so quick to begin grumbling each time illness reappears.

Much of our adoption journey was about learning who God is, but this morning I just want to throw out a list of the things God has done that I am thankful for in the past several months:

1) He guarded our hearts and minds with his peace throughout Micah's adoption. We were a bit unsettled when unexpected information came early on in our match with Micah, but the Lord gave overwhelming peace, and of course today we can not imagine Micah not being our son.

2) He healed our son. Micah never stayed in the NICU for the health concerns we anticipated. Today he is a chunky little 2 month old who saves his biggest smiles for his Daddy :-)

3) He showed great mercy and love for our family--our paperwork was rushed through both Florida and Indiana, and we were home for Christmas, weeks earlier than we expected.

4) He's given us three beautiful children who love each other. I had not expected the deep love my two little children would have for their new brother. They absolutely adore him.

5) He's given us extended family and friends who love us. This past weekend my parents were here, and it was so special to see the love they poured out on all of us. Friends also have offered much encouragement and support in the past weeks.

6) He restored our souls. Through these past weeks of illness, there were moments when the toddler screaming was unbearable. The Lord provided rest and refreshment, and we feel greatly renewed in our parenting and marriage.

Take a moment to reflect on what the Lord done for you lately. Have you prayed for and received His promised peace? His peace truly exceeds anything we can understand :-).

Well, it's been over a month since I've blogged. I've felt on several occasions I owed you a post, but in reality, every time I sat down to write the page stared back blankly. It's been hard to put into words all that we've been feeling this past month.

Our first week home with Micah was absolutely wonderful. We took him to church for the first time on his original due date; a healthy little guy without a care in the world. He and his siblings were decked out in cute little Christmas clothes from Grandma, and life was smiley, happy, and truly joyful. Christmas Day was one of the highlights of our year, I think, as we enjoyed the bright-eyed wonder of small children opening their first Christmas gifts in their own home, as well as a three-year-old who is really starting to understand who Jesus is and why we celebrate Christmas. We experienced such a blessed Christmas Day as a family of five and could see the beautiful story of adoption finally unfolding in our home.

Then there was the day after Christmas. And the following 21 days. Sickness hit our family in waves, first coming for Micah as a bad cold, then a stomach bug passing through Micah, Daniel, and I, then a cold hitting Nathan, Zoe, and I, teething for Zoe, and finally another stomach bug hitting all of us but Micah.

There is nothing like sick children to suck the happiness and smiles from life in a hurry. Wondering if your 5-week-old baby has kept enough fluids down is hard. Having to wake up at 2, 4, and 5 a.m. between newborn feedings to clean up bed sheets and change pajamas and bathe children is miserable. Having to fill the bathroom with steam quickly so your 3-year-old will stop panicking that he can't breathe is stressful. On the days Daniel or I or Daniel and I were also sick, happiness quickly diminished.

From the beginning of our adoption journey, we knew that entering into adoption meant engaging in spiritual battle. Throughout Micah's adoption, Satan has attempted to shift our gaze from God's best plan for us in this season of life through discouragement, disillusionment, and doubt. During these past three weeks, I lost sight of God's best plan on more than one occasion. What were we doing? Caring for three sick children was absolutely beyond our physical or emotional strength capacity.

In reflecting on these weeks, I am reminded of the time Elijah fled to the wilderness wanting the Lord to take his life because Jezebel was trying to kill him. Elijah had just seen God work mightily, but the moment the enemy (Jezebel) entered the scene, he lost sight of the Lord for a bit. But in response to his pitiful plea to die, the Lord simply allowed him to rest, sent an angel to give him food and water, allowed him to rest more, and told him to eat more so the journey ahead would not be too much.

I love that instead of reprimanding him, the Lord just hit the reset button for Elijah by allowing and providing necessary rest and physical nourishment. And in Elijah's moment of great emotional weakness, God showed Himself to Elijah not as a tornado or an earthquake but as a gentle whisper; a still, small voice.

This is what the Lord did for me this week. I was the one running to the wilderness (or, in mom terms, the bathroom) to escape. I was definitely hitting an emotional low, despite having just seen the great and mighty acts God had just done in Micah's adoption. Yet God gently provided what I needed and is bringing me back to a place where I can hear His gentle whisper again.

Just as God sent an angel to Elijah's side, He sent other believers to our side this week to bring rest and nourishment. One family brought groceries and Starbucks to our door. Another family watched all three of our kids for a day so we could have a break from our sweet Zoe's constant screaming. Several friends sent messages that they were praying specific Scriptures over our family. Grandparents drove 8 hours to spend the last three days with us, knowing fully that they would likely catch the stomach bug we've been sharing. A dear friend brought encouragement from halfway around the world. The Lord sent His people to bring rest and nourishment to see us through a tough low in our journey.

I will enter this new Monday morning feeling refreshed and renewed by the Body of Christ. This morning in church as we sang the song “Build Your Kingdom Here,” I was filled with hope and resolve. As you continue pray for our family, please pray that we will let the Holy Spirit fill our hearts and home with the strength and love of Christ.

Come set Your rule and reign
In our hearts again
Increase in us we pray
Unveil why we're made
Come set our hearts ablaze with hope
Like wildfire in our very souls
Holy Spirit come invade us now
We are Your Church
We need Your power
In us

-Build Your Kingdom Here; Rend Collective

And we're off!!!

Well we are spending our last night in Florida and have already packed up the RV and headed to the top of the state! Unfortunately the last 24 hours went nothing as planned (Micah was up until 3 a.m., Zoe woke up at 5 a.m., Nathan peed the bed at 5:30 a.m., it started raining at 9 a.m. and ruined our outdoor day plans...such is life with three littles!), but we are nevertheless on the road and so excited to be on our way HOME!

If you've been confused on why we're still in Florida if Micah was discharged on Thanksgiving, there is a small "detail" after you adopt a child out of state called Interstate Compact agreement that basically means the state you're adopting from and the state you reside in agree that you can legally transport your child home. As we mentioned on Facebook, Florida cleared our paperwork this week after just four days, which is incredible these days as they generally take 10-14 working days. Our agency expects us to clear Indiana early this week; in the meantime we are free to travel anywhere in the U.S. (even Alaska, haha!), as long as we don't go back to Indiana :-). So we are getting ready to meet our newest nephew, 1-week-old Samuel, tomorrow!! We will spend a few days there, and hopefully head back home at the end of the week, as long as all lights are green with paperwork! If not we'll be poling you for the best places to visit in the country with 3 children 3 and under--HAHA!

We can't wait for all of you to meet sweet Micah! We know so many of you have prayed with us for his adoption over the past couple years, and we were so blessed this morning to be sent of in a circle of prayer from our host family just before hitting the road. We are so excited for all the Lord has done in Micah's adoption--we have seen the Lord working in every area, and we are so thankful!

As you continue to pray us home, please pray this week for Nathan and Zoe's endurance with being away from home. They are struggling a lot with being out of routine, not in their own beds, and not in familiar environments. They have enjoyed some fun moments, but they are really ready to be home. We are ready also, as the travel has taken a toll on all of us with the kids' sleeping habits falling apart away from home. We trust the Lord will strengthen us for one last leg of this journey to get all FIVE of us home for Christmas :-)

Oh yes, and and for the record, I have no idea how to format pics on our blog--but I will do my best here for those of you who aren't Facebook users and have seen no pictures yet :-). Meet Mr. Micah James--our newest sweetie!

 

Songs of Thanksgiving

While contemplating what to post on our blog tonight, I stumbled upon this verse on a friend's Facebook page: “The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” (Psalm 28:7 NLT)

If you read my post from November 16, you'll know I blogged about really struggling spiritually with discouragement and anxiety. The Lord had been working in my heart over the previous months, encouraging me specifically to transform my thinking according to Philippians 4:6, “Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything...” but I had recently been allowing Satan to speak lies into my heart. After asking for your prayers that Sunday, just two days later on Tuesday we received the call that Micah was going to be born. After about 45 seconds of panic, we chose to pray instead of worry, and just three days later we were suddenly guardians of a beautiful baby boy we'd prayed for over the course of two years.

In reading Psalm 28:7 tonight, I really just want to burst out in songs of thanksgiving to the Lord! Even in his few days of life, God has been Micah's and our strength and shield each day. So tonight I just want to list a few ways we have been thanking the Lord for helping us and filling our hearts with joy.

--Our sweet Micah James was born 4 weeks early on November 18. Despite being 4 weeks early, he has, as of today, passed his birth weight by 4 ounces :-). The Lord was watching over his delicate body, and we are thankful!

--Due to some health concerns, we had planned to be spending 4-6 weeks in the NICU with Micah. We were instead discharged on Thanksgiving Day after an 8-day observation with a couple days spent just waiting for him to gain weight. Though concerns could still surface, we are trusting the Lord that He has indeed healed Micah's little body in answer to many of your prayers! We were especially excited to tell Nathan that his daily prayers for Micah's health have been answered. The faith of a three-year-old in a powerful, healing God has truly humbled us, and we are thankful for the spiritual lessons we learn from our children.

--Many of you prayed with us for provision of housing and childcare while we were away. As you know, a sweet family is letting us stay in their RV, and to date we figure we've saved somewhere around $1500 already from the accommodations, which often include unexpected (and amazing) dinners :-). We are so thankful for the Hogue family! (P.S., for those who have asked how you can help us in our adoption expenses—please consider visiting the Hogue family's website here and donating to their orphan care ministry! We would love to see any funds that would have been donated to our travel expenses be put right back into orphan care!)

--We are thankful for my sweet Mom who drove all by herself 16 hours to get to my sister's to watch our kids the first week and then drove another 4 hours with our kids (by herself—gold metal status earned!!) with plans to stay with us for the coming weeks. Unexpectedly, my sister also had her baby 4 weeks early last night, so Grandma had to leave hastily yesterday morning and we're now flying solo. We are so thankful to have had Grandma around to help us get settled together under one roof!

--We are thankful for the Lord's continual reminders of “this is the way; walk in it” throughout our journey to adopt Micah. I could share countless ways the Lord has reaffirmed His call to adopt Micah, but one specific instance recently involved Micah's middle name. We had actually landed on a middle name for him together as a family, but then we really felt we would like to involve his birth family in naming him, so gave his birth mother and siblings the honor of choosing his middle name. After much deliberation and a majority-rules “vote” between his sisters, they decided they wanted his middle name to be James. We laughed in awe of God's hand at work yet again, because our family had also desired the middle name James. We are so thankful for the Lord's small reminders that He is actively working in our lives and calling us to follow Him daily.

Thank you so much for your continued partnership in prayer for our family as we parent all three of our children! We are indeed blessed, and we are exceedingly thankful :-)

The story of Micah

Well, God sure has taken us on a wild ride since my last blog post :-). I've tried to post Facebook updates here and there, but I think it's time for a blog post on what exactly has happened in the past three days.

Tuesday morning, November 18, we got a text at about 9:15 a.m. saying something like, “Guys, we don't know anything yet, but birthmom has an appointment right now and blood pressure is high. We'll know more in a few minutes.” Somehow Daniel missed the text, because the one he saw about 7 minutes later said, “Get your bags together—it's BABY DAY!!!” We got a phone call a minute later from our agency letting us know we needed to head south immediately—our son was on his way!

For the next 45 seconds I panicked :-). Then, we quickly began calling friends and family who needed to know what was happening, and within about 2 minutes of posting on Facebook, we had someone to help us clean and load, someone to watch our kids for a couple hours, and a trailer for our van coming within the hour (thank you SO much, Kimberly, Andrea, Pastor Michele, and Jay and Kelley!!).

Packing actually went fairly quickly as I'd been practice packing for nearly 4 weeks already—we had everything packed except for our last-minute items. My house, on the other hand...well, we are only coming back to a semi-clean house thanks to friends :-). We quickly felt the presence of the body of Christ as we were able to hit the road to Florida just 2.5 hours later—record time for starting a road trip with two little ones!

The next 21 hours were a complete blur of exhaustion, but somehow, we managed to drop off Nathan and Zoe at my sister's in Georgia around 3 a.m. Wednesday morning, after getting a text and photos of our son's birth at 5:20 p.m. Tuesday night. We arrived in Florida at 9:30 a.m. Wednesday and met our agency social worker, birthmom, and son for the first time at 10. We were so completely exhausted at that point, and the whole thing was so surreal. I don't know if either of us said anything intelligible to anyone, but we were able to hold Micah for the rest of the day. Our birthmom had decided not to keep him with her in her room, so when we arrived, he was waiting for us in the hospital nursery—we were the first to embrace him and hold him for hours on end—such a special time for us knowing that the Lord had absolutely appointed this time and this boy to be our son and for us to be his Mommy and Daddy.

That afternoon, we went to “check in” to the RV where we'll be staying as long as we're in this area. The family that is hosting us, orphan care missionaries Steve and Sandra Hogue, are some of the most gracious, generous people I've ever met! Sandra had fixed up the RV with everything we needed and also invited us for dinner our first night. When I got sick Wednesday afternoon (apparently a mean combo of exhaustion and stress!), she also brought me a get-well care package :-). She made us supper last night as well and had it ready in to-go containers at her door as soon as we had our evening break. We are super blessed by their generosity and really hoping Micah does not have to be transferred to a different hospital as we're really enjoying our accommodations here :-).

Speaking of Micah's health, we simply ask for your continued prayer for his health. He will be in the hospital at least four more days as originally planned, but there is potential need for him to be transferred to a bigger city hospital with a higher level NICU in the coming week. We are basically in a “wait and see” stage right now, with some hours looking great and others looking more likely for transfer. Please pray with us especially through the next several days. He definitely seems to enjoy snuggling with Mommy and Daddy and has enjoyed every moment of cuddling :-).

Yesterday we got an early surprise that it would be the big day when adoption consent was signed by Micah's birthmom, and we enjoyed a lengthy visit with her just prior to discharge. She is an awesome mamma to three sweet girls, and we feel so blessed to have been able to meet her. I will always treasure our time together.

At about 1:40 p.m. yesterday, November 20, Micah James became our son on paper! He will not have our last name until the adoption is finalized after post placement visits (sort of like the ending home study of an adoption), but he is free to be our son! We chose to name him Micah because it means, “Who is like our God?” so the moment we heard this news was such an exciting time for us—it was like the Lord shouted down to us, “See? I had a plan. I've had Micah James purposed to be your son for over two years now. Here he is—My son Micah--now show him My love!”

I'm sure this post has been a bit disjointed due to our lingering brain fog from the 21-hour drive, but I hope you can hear through these word the amazing story God has been unfolding in our adoption journey. We have watched God redeeming brokenness through adoption, and we can't wait to see what His purposes are for Micah in the years to come! May the Lord be glorified in Micah's story, and may you each continue to seek the King of all Kings, the Lord of Lords, who has a beautiful redeeming purpose for each life and a sweet path of truth and grace for each of you! :-)

When I am weak, He is GOD!

Most of our blog posts recently have pretty much been facts and tangible prayer needs and praise updates. Tonight I want to share a more personal, less tangible way you can be praying specifically for our family.

From the beginning of our adoption journey, we have experienced a much greater awareness of spiritual warfare than ever before. The Lord clearly called us to adopt in July 2012; shortly after, the ceiling collapsed on our rental house, the shed at the rental property blew over the fence to the neighbor's property, and the pipes froze at the rental and had to be replaced. We know now that the Lord planned for the sale price of that house to fund a large portion of the adoption, so it's very easy to see why Satan was targeting that home. Even just a month prior to its sale, the central air unit was stolen, causing us additional unplanned financial loss for “no reason.” One of our first hurdles in trusting the Lord in adopting was in trusting His financial provision, and we have seen His exceeding, abundant provision playing out in ways that we definitely didn't imagine.

My greatest personal spiritual battle took place when we found out we were expecting Zoe in October 2012, the month that our home study should have been finished. Welcome, morning sickness. Her pregnancy took me through a valley of depression due to physical exhaustion (pregnancy hormones and a 20-month-old) during which Satan attacked my emotions and my thoughts, causing me to doubt God's call to adoption and doubt whether I was even cut out to be a mother at all when I could hardly make it to the end of the day without my son (not yet 2) watching way too much TV (screen time before age 2=mamma fail, I believed). But THE LORD is so much more powerful than Satan! Through a couple months of desperately seeking Him through His Word and through the encouragement of other believers, He brought me to a place where I realized what it meant to rest in Him and wait on Him. He taught me to trust who He IS, not just what He does. At that point in our adoption journey, I desperately wanted to be fundraising like crazy, seeing our home study finished, and working on our family profile, but instead I was crashed on the couch. The Lord really freed me with this truth we discussed in mom's group at church: my children don't need to see a super mamma—they need to see a mamma who needs a super God. Yes, I was crashed on the couch. I was NOT a super mamma. But God was--and IS--a super God, and He taught this exhausted mamma how to rest in His presence and let Him be her strength.

This brings me to our current, deepest family prayer need—spiritual victory, yet again, for me as mamma to my kids. The past few weeks I have wrestled with great anxiety and discouragement. Satan has been attacking my thoughts regarding myself as a mom and as an individual, and I have been believing His lies despite knowing the truth about who God says I am and the truth of who God is. I've been struggling with losing the physical presence of a dear friend moving across the globe, struggling with having family spread all over the country, struggling with unplannable details of our adoption travel, struggling with consistent discipline with my children, and struggling with patience with my toddler. I have been feeling like a hopeless failure as a mom; weak, yet too proud to admit my weakness. I have forgotten that my kids don't need a super mamma but need to see a mamma who needs a super God.

And yet, I serve a super God. In fact, while we're not sharing his name publicly until after his birth, our son's first name is going to mean “Who is like our God?” as a reminder of the journey the Lord has taken us on spiritually through his adoption. I may be a struggling mamma, even failing in the world's eyes, but my God is so strong. He is strong enough to replace my untrue thoughts with His Truth. He is strong enough to take this weak mamma and strengthen her for even daily toddler battles :-)

As our family comes to mind in the next few weeks leading up to our adoption, please pray that I will know deep in my heart that in my weakness, He is strong—He is God. Amen!!!

November update

Well since it's been over a month since I've posted a blog update, I suppose I'd better write something (what use is a blog if there aren't ever any posts?) :-). This past week we got to take a “practice” road trip in preparation for our adoption travels as we drove to Louisiana to visit Daniel's family for a week. We packed all of our adoption travel items as well, “just in case,” as we've approached 34 weeks already. We didn't need them this time, but it was useful to know how travel would go with some of the ideas we had since we'll be traveling with the kids now. We learned 1) Zoe absolutely LOVES her Kidco travel tent, which was a HUGE relief to us knowing she'll sleep well wherever we put her as long as she's in her tent. 2) Taby Trays are absolutely amazing—Zoe ate an entire McDonald's breakfast sandwich without getting more than a few pieces on the van floor. Nathan used his tray the entire time for playing, coloring, and eating. 3) A travel potty is an essential van floor decoration for the next several years. 1,854 miles later, we're glad to be home but excited that the kids seem to be a bit better at handling road trips than just a few months ago!

On the adoption front, we got exciting news that we now have a scheduled c-section date of December 9! We are hoping to travel to my sister's a few days in advance to get the kids settled in with grandparents while Daniel and I travel the rest of the way alone for the first week, but the plan is for the kids to join us for the second week and following. We will have a minimum 5-day stay in the hospital with our little guy for observation, which will likely be followed by a 4-6 week NICU stay. Please keep us in prayer as we juggle spending time bonding with him, caring for Nathan and Zoe (thankfully with Grandma's help), and getting a few hours of work in for Daniel here and there (his work-from-anywhere job is just a HUGE blessing in this!!!)

Please continue to pray for:

1) Our son's health—join Nathan in praying for “our baby brother to be born all the way healthy!”

2) Safe travels—we'll be driving many miles, in order to have transportation available for the entire time we'll be away, as well as our supplies for our RV camping :-)

3) Financial provision—we are fully funded for actual adoption expenses, so we're trusting the Lord to continue blessing for extended stay travel expenses and any unplanned expenses. He has blessed “more than we could ask or imagine!” and we are so thankful!

4) Our expectant mom and family—we love her dearly and pray for her daily—please pray for a blessed time together with her at our son's birth.