Rivers of difficulty

Wow, what a week! Last week was full of (very) late nights, cranky toddlers, and babysitting all weekend long. We had between two and four kids in our care from Friday to Sunday morning, and we were E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D by Sunday afternoon. And, of course, Nathan did not take a nap at home Sunday, so Mom and Dad didn't get a nap either. Needless to say after experiencing some of the less glamorous parts of parenting, we were I especially was quite grouchy by Sunday night, and we all went to bed early (only after I panicked looking at undone to-do list for the week).

Today didn't start much better. We all woke up still tired, and Nathan didn't sleep enough so was extra cranky. Then, to top off the morning, I tried to make coffee and instead spilled grounds everywhere and shattered the coffee pot. By the time Daniel got home for lunch I was about to have a Mommy meltdown. I even let Nathan watch four episodes of The Wiggles...yeah, I was THAT mom today. By noon I was completely despairing, looking at my sink filled with dishes and floor covered in spilled milk and Cheerio crumbs, thinking what in the world am I doing pursuing adoption when I can't even handle the daily needs of my son and a few of his friends for a couple days?

After collapsing on the couch with my Bible the second Nathan went down for his nap, the Lord allowed me to work through my little personal issue with self control in tiredness and entertained my prayers through the despairing Psalms like "Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die." (Psalm 143:7 for other about-to-die moms). God is so loving like that--even when we are in our worst moments, if we recognize our need for Him, He is right there extending His arms of love and care to lift our burdens. 

The Lord brought peace to my soul as I admitted my deep need for Him and my inability to manage things in my own strength. Then He reminded me of something in His word (Isaiah 43:1b-5a) that He spoke into my heart several years ago when I struggled with fear on a daily basis:

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine.
 When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.
 For I am the Lord, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
    I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
 Others were given in exchange for you.
    I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
    You are honored, and I love you.

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you.

I will gather you and your children from east and west.

"When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown...I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west." What beautiful words the Lord spoke to me in my lowest moment today, one of utter despair in the midst of the "river of difficulty" of daily life with small children, reminding me that HE has called me, HE is with me, and HE loves me! In my own strength, I may not be able to handle the repeatedly spilled milk, lack-of-sleep meltdowns, and other small frustrations of mothering small children, but in HIS strength, I will not drown, I will not be burned up, I will not be consumed. Through HIS love I can deeply love my children and show them how precious they are to Him.

May we trust Him today as He lovingly leads us all through the waters, rivers, fire, and flames.